There’s No Time Like the Presents—Present! We Meant Present!

Your New Lustorascope Is Here!

Sagittarius season is upon us, and no matter your sign, things are getting mighty cozy up in here… That’s right, your high-paying corporate job is sending you on a trip to a quaint village upstate where you’ll meet a flannel-clad hunk. The two of you will clash initially, but before long, his undeniable charm will have you second-guessing your big city lifestyle—oops, our bad, that’s the plot of the holiday movie we were watching!

If only your future were as clearly-defined as the abs on that flannel guy, but no, things are bound to get a little messy in the days ahead. Grab a snow shovel and get ready to dig into the chaos! To get through this one, you’ll need to focus and stay present. Oh, and you’ll also need to buy presents—did you buy presents yet? The next few weeks are kind of a lot, we know, but we’ll get through it together. Just check out your sign for a sneak peek…

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Get Spiritual, Aries

You’re going on a journey, but not the kind that’ll require luggage or travel size toiletries, no ma’am. Instead, you’re headed on an adventure within yourself. Things are surprisingly stable at work right now and nothing in your personal life will require your immediate attention, so this is the perfect opportunity to rediscover the person that looks back at you in the mirror. Give yourself this window of time to look inward and you’ll be able to rebuild your self-esteem, ease the mounting stress that this time of year is known for, and access a new source of inner strength. You’ll emerge from your emotional cocoon transformed into an even better version of you. We didn’t even think that was possible!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Take the Path of Least Resistance

You’re a Taurus, you’re headstrong, everybody knows it. You never shy away from a fight, but wouldn’t it be nice not to have one for once? That’s right, it’s time to meet Taurus the diplomat, what’s she look like? A mini-makeover may just be in order to really sell this new outlook on life… What accessories go well with sagaciousness? Big sweater and chunky bracelet? Check. Wait, do you have an even bigger sweater? Perfect. Now you’re ready to navigate the minefield that is your personal and professional life at the mo. Be swift, be kind, be thoughtful, destroy your enemies—hey wait, that’s old Taurus talking, you get lost! Just don’t go too far, we might need those horns in the new year…

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

How Good Are You At Musical Chairs?

Every day you’re shufflin’, shufflin’, shufflin’. That’s what things are gonna feel like at work anyway, so it’s best to stay on your toes, Gemini. Though your environment may be in a state of rearrangement, you’re bound to come out ahead if you take this as an opportunity to show off your impressive talents. As for your personal life, you’ve gotta be sincere, honestly sincere. That sincerity is gonna come in real handy as your love life readies to cross the finish line. No, that doesn’t mean that it’s over, far from it, sister—let’s just say that you’re headed for a mega milestone and leave it at that. That could be earthshakingly good news if you’re in a relationship, but if you’re single, don’t worry, you’ll get to share in the milestone too as you shift your priorities and focus on finding a new, better kind of partner. One that sees your sincerity and raises you with decency. You’re all in!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Be Uniquely You

You know what we love about you, Cancer? You’re a true original. Don’t lose sight of what makes you different, in fact, we want you to take those differences and walk with them into the spotlight. Doing so will make for some significant advancements, serving as a reminder for everyone in your life of what makes you special and why they’re so lucky to have you. Stay real! You can’t solve all your problems with a mere flutter of your eyelashes, but by embracing your unique qualities, you’ll be able to create a strong foundation for future improvement. You’re a work in progress, after all, and that’s not such a bad thing to be! Stay open and you’ll receive the greatest gift of all—jewelry. Er, no, wisdom. Wisdom! Did we say jewelry? Weird…

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Keep at It, Leo

There’s a vibrant energy coming off of you and people are going to be drawn to you like bugs to a zapper. OK, that’s a bit grisly, the bottom line is that you’re positively magnetic. And no, that doesn’t mean that you’re only going to attract negative people, we just meant positively as in definitely. Let’s move away from wordplay and focus on what you really need to know: New work opportunities and meaningful personal connections are headed in your general direction. Lucky you, neither of these will require a good deal of sacrifice, no, all you have to do is be persistent. Don’t back away from the situations at hand, you’ve got to stick with them and see them through completely to achieve victory. Great rewards await you on the other side.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Cheaters Never Prosper

OK, Virgo, as you advance through the maze of options ahead in your personal and professional lives, the chance for insane rewards is closer than you think. Just make sure you stay honest and true to yourself, if you succumb to taking deceitful shortcuts or fakin’ it ‘til you make it, your outcomes will be considerably worse. Better to exercise judiciousness if you want to get the maximum payout. Once you make it to your goal, you may be tempted to celebrate, to pop some bubbly, start a ruckus. Not to rain on your parade—OK, we’re totally gonna rain on your parade, but it’ll better serve you in the long run to remain humble. It’s the only way to stay on Lady Luck’s good side, you see, she’s a big fan of ironic twists of fate befalling those with excessive pride. You’re too smart a cookie to crumble like that!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Everything in Balance, Even Your Checkbook

Wait a minute, Libra, are you entering the holiday season with a bank account that’s not a complete and utter disaster? What are you, some kind of sexy wizard? Fun fact: If anyone ever asks you this question, the answer is always yes. With your financial magic in full effect, now might be the time to launch that new business venture! Muscle into that side hustle! You are truly the mistress of your own destiny, well, everywhere except in your romantic life, anyway. There is indeed a storm a-brewin’ over in love land, but gray skies are gonna clear up before you know it. Whatever conflicts arise, you will find a way to mend them and your relationship will emerge stronger than ever before.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

All Hail the Conquering Scorpio

You’re absolutely killing it at the office lately, no matter what gets thrown your way, you’ve got the skills to pay the bills. And maybe even enough to save a little extra money too! Single Scorpios will show similar aptitude in romantic challenges, effortlessly earning all the attention and affection you so richly deserve. Not-so-single Scorpios: It might be time to slow your roll. Your conflicts won’t come in the form of easily-whacked, slow and lazy softballs, no, more like delicate brain surgeries. Scrub up and settle in, just try not to create any new, unnecessary problems. Embrace any chances for harmony and enjoy the present, whatever it may be!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Flexibility Is Your Friend

It’s your special time, Sagittarius, and one thing’s for sure, you’re busy, busy, busy! While it might sound wonderful to wind down for some rest and relaxation during this season, it’s just not in the cards for you. However, the weeks ahead will be fulfilling for you in other ways, specifically romantic ones. It’s not going to be all days of wine and roses though, you’ll face adversity in this arena as well. Any and all problems will prove to be resolvable as long as you stay open and willing to bend in ways you never thought possible (better get out the yoga pants). Your priorities might shift around a bit, sure, but to paraphrase a popular bumper sticker, shift happens. And that’s OK.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Appreciate What You’ve Got

This holiday season is going to be one for the record books, Capricorn. Not necessarily because some extraordinary thing is about to happen, you’re not about to find a bevy of pirate’s treasure in your crawlspace or make any significant breakthroughs in the field of eyebrow maintenance or anything like that—it’s going to be an intensely regular time that somehow feels irregularly good. Your romantic endeavors will unfold in warm and gratifying ways with minimal effort on your part—and maximal effort on your partner’s part (it is the holidays, after all, why not make them sweat a little bit?)!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

More, More, More!

You’ve got only one thing on your holiday list, Aquarius, and that thing is more. Yes, it’s kind of a loophole, like wishing for additional wishes, but that’s the key connective thread uniting everything you want out of life at this moment. You want more chances to show your stuff at the office, more honesty in your relationships, and more clear intentions in your love life—no more beating around the bush (ahem)! But how do you get all the more you so desperately crave? To be honest, you probably won’t. But you can always make the most however much more you’re able to get. And gift cards are nice too.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Fishing for Office Romance?

Love has a way of materializing in the most unexpected places. The office holiday party just might be the place for you, Pisces! Things have been going well at work and there are a lot of positive vibes flying around. Those good vibes could transform into a new relationship, as good vibes often do. You shouldn’t deny this chance for romance, but be very careful. Not like, “no running by the pool” careful, more like, “don’t accidentally press this big, red self-destruct button and obliterate the universe” careful, capiche? Attention to detail is going to be a crucial skill right now and the only way to prevent your new tryst from becoming the hottest office goss since you-know-who got tipsy at the company retreat. Loose lips sink ships!